Ken Lee at the Deposition
Subpoenas don’t have to be scary or annoying. If you are anything like me you don’t have much experience with being subpoenaed and frankly, it can be a bit intimidating. Well fret not! As promised, findings have been gathered and now you can follow Lee’s easy legal steps to minimize your inconvenience and maybe even have a laugh;) Disclaimer: remember, I’m a telecomputer scientist and not a lawyer. The following legal advice is not legal advice at all;)
Cast: Stenographer, Videographer, Plaintiff’s Lawyer, Defendant’s Lawyer, and your Host, Ken Lee
Rule #1: Don’t let them Bully you!
Subpoena’s are written in a language that can be very misleading for non-lawyers. They use forceful terms, such as “you are commanded to appear” at such and such place and time, describing consequences such as “warrants”, “contempt of court”, “court intervention”, and even threats of being arrested. I mean seriously, what ever happened to common courtesy.
The important thing to understand here is that you hold the power. Generally speaking, there is a court case happening, and either the defendant or the plaintiff’s lawyer believes you have valuable information. Remember, knowledge is power? Well this valuable information they think you have gives you power. In my case the defendant mauled someone outside of a bar. The defendant was broke, so the plaintiff is trying to sue the bar. I was with the defendant 5 hours prior to the mauling and could testify to his level of visible intoxication.
Rule #2: what are your terms?
Time is on your side, as they want the information sooner than later. You can make life painful for these lawyers through a number of techniques. They will start by picking a time and place and trying to trick you with their empty threats in to a situation that is convenient for them. ie: their office, during their work hours. Pay them no mind. Ask yourself what is the most convenient for you? Do you want to make some money? Did you have to make a trip somewhere anyway? Figure out what would be the best case scenario for you and make it happen. In my case they originally proposed for me to drive 30 minutes in the middle of a work day so i could go to their office on the same day several other people were being deposed! Wouldn’t that be convenient for them and a total pain for me?! For that insult I penalized them by stalling for 2 months! A useful stalling technique is to indicate that you are obtaining representation for the matter. You can also use your work as an excuse as they also cannot force you to miss work, and if you do miss work they must pay you for your opportunity costs. They will not volunteer this cash however, you must demand it! Ultimately I decided that my best case scenario would be for them to come to my barn study at 6PM on a weekday. When I proposed this, they jumped at the chance, after all they want what I have;)
Rule #3: don’t let them waste your time
Now that they are in your place of choice, at your time of choice, you have them right where you want them! You are in control of the environment and can use that to your advantage to ensure that they are in and out of there in minimal time. In my case I had the deposition in the summer time. With it 90 degrees outside, I chose to host the deposition in the second floor of my barn, which is my study, and can get quite stuffy. With them in suits and me in whatever comfortable outfit I chose I kept the AC off and forced them to sweat it out! Lawyers are humans too and they are after their own self interest. If you make it uncomfortable for them, you will increase their incentive to get what they came for and get out, thus decreasing the likely hood they will waste your time. Also at your house it is easier for you to eat, drink, and kick them out should something go awry!
RULE #4: Have Fun!
Action shot of stenographer snuck while being deposed!
Let your inner child come out! Have you ever looked closely at that funny typewriter a stenographer has? Have you ever done a photo shoot? Honestly, a deposition is a little bit like a red carpet where you are the celebrity. Both lawyers seek to gain your favor, so that the deposition and the court case goes their way. As a result they will yes you to death and refrain from doing anything that might offend you. This provides a great opportunity to cross social lines that might otherwise remain taboo.
RULE #4: Don’t forget to kick a freestyle
Videographer / Rapper
I got lucky! The camera man wasn’t only a videographer, he was also a R&B and Rap artist. We closed out the night with some A Capella freestyles. He really surprised me when he started digging into me with references to the case. Hoorah for making new friends:)
HA!!! THAT IS AWESOME! Great tips! Slick moves – playing the waiting game, determining the location of the meeting, full control of the environment, and showing them you are not some punk they can push around. I like! You got some nice Sun Tzu: Art of War skills!